I had this erroneous notion that this second year of BGI would not be as intense as the first year. Boy was I wrong. I am still reeling from intensive one and having a hard time integrating last year with this year. I wish I could just slow down time so I could think and gather those nebulous thought clouds from around my head. I keep bumping up against all of these competing commitments regarding my personal brand and the road to success. Creativity and right livelyhood and my personal brand are at a crossroads. I am beginning to wake up the fact that I was attracted to BGI because I don't have a clearly defined identity. My great strength of dexterity as a social chameleon has now become my weakness. I am having serious trouble separating me out from others. My self is buried. Sifting through the layers are exhausting. I just want to stop time, sleep, catch up on all my reading, meditate, eat and then wake up only my son so I could spend time with him and only him without the tick tock of the clock breathing down my neck.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
tick tock
Much gratitude to Kiki who took the time to answer my question about my reticence to start a blog, what if I die tomorrow and she reminded me to not over think it. Wow. Did she ever nail it! If I could get paid for overthinking things I would be richer than that 1% who hold all of the money and assets in the world.
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Mauri,
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with the second year wakeup call. Somehow I thought that without Accounting everything would be easier. For me it's the same workload, just more engaging.
Regarding Personal Brand and Creativity & Right Livelihood... I wonder if there really is any conflict. As I see it, Personal Brand is about who we ARE more than what we DO. When I look back at journals I wrote 5, 10, 20 years ago, there is a consistent thread that runs through them in terms of what matters to me. That is the basis of my personal brand. I could do anything for a living, but I would still bring who I am to it. In my case it's passion, creation, and collaboration. I think the Creativity and Right Livelihood class is taking us in the same direction: who are we, at our core? How can we express that in the world?
I know you to be a very beautiful being, and if you asked, I would suggest trusting yourself to own the huge power you hold.