exorcism

Dear other BGI faculty,
In response to ChristopherA's request that we post in our learning journal what we find valuable about the experience, it has been taking my LPD skills on center stage. I am actually practicing all of those things that we talk about and have been applying the processes to my visible thoughts on the web. I have grown tremendously this quarter by exposing my naked vulnerabilities online. And my worst fear came true and it was a "safe test" that my head did not turn around backwards exorcist style as I expected. The fear regarding sharing personal painful experiences and memories around race can be scary. Sure enough, I post some deep raw feelings and then I get attacked personally by someone who thought it would be grand to hurl racist words and epithets through cyber space at me. Why is this reoccurring theme in my life showing up yet again?

Over and over this happens. Oh you are just walking down the street, I'll shout ni**er because that is super clever. Oh you belittle an artistic expression of the spelling of the word "rize" that is in reference to a hip hop documentary produced by a famous photographer and then call me the fool. This is distinctly why I have no desire at all to visit the south with it's history of the deep seated culture of racism of America, and what happened? The south, a resident of Georgia to be precise, came to me through the computer calling me a fool and hip hop artists "neo-coons". Funny thing though I agree with him in some respects that corporate hip hop has become too commercialized into pop and really quite silly but I don't agree with hurting my feelings because you feel like you have the privilege to do so. I did sleep under the bridge, broke and destitute through an emotional firestorm. ("homeless under the bridge" common language at BGI of first year LPD exploration into Kegan Lahey of hitting rock bottom.) Instead of spiraling down into anger and depression like I usually do I am trying to hold space for creating a world that I would like to see. That's all I can do. I will not feed the darkness of another, I have enough all on my own thank you very much. I used to hate the whole notion of being "public" on here and in just a few short weeks later I feel empowered enough to let go of self limiting expectations bolstered by the silence of deep autumn. I've been called a coon. I've been called a fool. I've been called worse but I strive to only live well. And that Mr. racist resident of Georgia guy, not even your hate speech can take away my stride. That's what my learning journal has allowed me to do. Organizing my thoughts into integrity that allows for public scrutiny commenced in an eloquent way.
bringing grace back.
The only rule of my personal learning journal in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, etc. are you ready?
this is the best part Ever.
the rules here are mine.

in my own voice. in my own time.
MP